My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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