If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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