Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
