im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
