just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
