Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
