Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
