I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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