he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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