Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize