i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was like eating out sand paper
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
