Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
