I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
