White coat. Heels.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
