i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
