I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
