Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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