party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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