so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
