I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
