We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
