Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
