I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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