His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
