Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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