Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
