I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
