the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
