You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
