i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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