i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize