God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
