oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
