You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
