Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
