wat bout pragnant strippers??
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
