i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
