sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How external is "for external use only"?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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