it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
