So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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