sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
