I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
