I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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