BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
