Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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