apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize