Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
