i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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