he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
