That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
