PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
