now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
