if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize