"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
