I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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