yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
