everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
