never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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