i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
