I'm going to jail i love you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
