You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
