you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize