my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize